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TRUST in Shared Finances - A Critical Area for a Relationship

It is in the book, Winning with People by John Maxwell that I learned the simplest

foundational perspectives on trust, which is that it is the foundation of any relationship. If you boil the relationships down to the single most important factor, it is always going to be trust - not leadership, value, partnership, etc. If you don’t have trust, you don’t have much of a relationship.

Trust is the framework of the relationship. Trust also determines the height and depth of the relationship.

And when it comes to personal finances, this is probably one of the most important subjects in which trust is super significant. My wife and I have this joke about money - we say we have a 50-50 relationship when it comes to money. I make it; and she spends it. While that is not entirely true, when we share the sentiment, we do get a few laughs. Nevertheless, this joke can lead to a source of concern that shows up in some relationships. If one hides how money is spent, there is a level of trust that is broken. If this spending goes unchecked, this can get to a point where drastic choices must be made. Some of these choices may be to end the relationship; and at a minimum, there is a controlled change that must occur in order to move forward and maintain the relationship.

Mike Abrashoff, author of It’s Your Ship, stated “Trust works like a bank account - you have got to keep making deposits if you want it to grow. On occasion, things will go wrong, and you will have to make a withdrawal.” If you are not making deposits, withdrawals will only make the relationship go bankrupt.

Here’s a question that is also a challenge: Are you the type of person that trusts people first, then builds the relationship, or do you want to build the relationship first, then add trust?

Which group is likely to build a deeper trusting relationship more quickly?:

  • Both people trust each other first, then build the relationship.

  • Both people want to build a relationship, then build trust.

  • One person trusts first then builds the relationship, and the other person builds the relationship first, then adds trust.

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