5 Keys to Effective Communication

How Connection Transforms Conversations

Person to person communication is one of those things we all believe we’re good at — until

we realize we’re not. We have not communicated completely.  After years of leadership under John Maxwell’s mentorship and thousands of conversations with teams, clients, families, and audiences, I’ve learned this: communication isn’t a talent we’re born with. It’s a discipline we build. And when we build it well, it becomes the bridge that turns misunderstanding into clarity, conflict into collaboration, and everyday interactions into meaningful influence.  And truth be told, it took me a long time to realize and accept that I am not as good at it as I’d like to believe.  That is only ok because I finally realized that I am not perfect and never going to be.  That is also NOT ok, because, for my sake, and especially for my clients, I want to get better.

Across the wisdom of major communicators like John Maxwell, Steve Harvey, and great life/business philosopher, Jim Rohn, Susan Scott, who enlighted me with a great writing in Fierce Conversations  and decades of real-world leadership, several themes rise to the top. These aren’t tricks. They’re transformational practices. And when we embrace them, communication stops being something we do and starts becoming part of who we are.

1. Connection Is the First Rule of Communication

John Maxwell states it plainly: “The first rule of communication is connection.” You can’t be all about yourself and all about them at the same time. Steve Harvey adds that great communicators, like great comedians, adapt to the room — they don’t force the room to adapt to them. Connection requires curiosity, not ego. Awareness, not assumption. When you communicate to reach people rather than to impress them, everything changes.

And in John Maxwell’s recent best selling book, The 16 Undeniable Laws of Communication, he takes this connection a few steps further saying this connection involves who says it, what is said, how it is said, when it is said, and why it is said.

2. Authenticity Is the Ultimate Communication Tool

Harvey says the best communication tool is authenticity. People follow someone who feels genuine — someone who shows up the same way onstage, in the conference room, and at the kitchen table. Authenticity isn’t perfection. It’s alignment between what you say and how you live. It creates trust, and trust creates influence.

This is where the adage, “fact it, til you make it” falls apart.  In some sense, have confidence in what you are saying; and in another sense, don’t try to claim or be something other than who you are. 

3. Curiosity Beats Assumption Every Time

The idea of being “Careful When You Assume” reminds us that most communication breakdowns don’t come from bad intentions—they come from unverified stories we convince ourselves are true.

 Assumptions fill space that curiosity was meant to occupy. When you stop assuming and start asking questions, conversations deepen, clarity sharpens, and connection strengthens.

It’s also significant to point out that asking questions is not the same as questioning.  There’s a big difference between, “Why did you do that?”  and “That’s interesting.  Can you help me understand your process/method?” 

4. Clarity Is Kindness: Name the Real Issue

Sometimes, we need to have a “difficult” conversation.  It’s difficult because we know there’s been some misunderstanding, and usually, we think, “they” have not done something, not tried, not taken responsibility, not (you fill in the blank).  However, we may be involved, we just do not know it yet.  This is where Susan Scott writes in Fierce Conversations, “The problem named is the problem solved.”

 Having the “difficult conversation” is communication talent requires getting clarity about:

• What the issue truly is

• Why it matters

• What outcome you want

• What role you play in the situation  (Remember there’s always two sides to a story; and you may, LIKELY, you do not have the complete picture.  Even worse - you could be part of the problem.)

Clarity prevents emotional stress. Clear communication is not harsh; it’s honoring — because it respects the other person enough to tell them the truth.

5. Pay Attention to Style and Content

In “Creating a Culture of Good Communication,” Rick Bohan reminds leaders that the way we communicate matters as much as what we communicate. Employees often don’t understand metrics, charts, or explanations leaders assume are “simple.”  Sometimes you may need to explain the basics before you get too deep in the details.

And in doing so, you may think that words are the most important part of a communication story.  This is so not true - Words are only 7%.  Tone is more important at 38%; and even more importantly is body language, which contributes the most at 55%!  Is it any wonder that Zoom meetings and especially presentations are so difficult.  We are challenged to achieve a 50% communication rating as there is virtually no body language involved - we have to do it all with words and tone!

When people don’t understand, they can’t align. And when they can’t align, collaboration breaks down. Great communicators check for understanding, invite questions, and adapt their style to the needs of the room, even the virtual room - as best they can.

Communication Is a Leadership Lifestyle

Effective communication doesn’t happen by accident. Research shows that poor communication costs companies millions each year and erodes trust, culture, and performance.

 When communication becomes part of your leadership identity…

• relationships strengthen,

• clarity increases,

• engagement rises,

• and results accelerate.

These keys open the door. But once the door is open, we must walk through — and that’s where the challenges begin.

In the next blog, we’ll explore the 5 challenges that get in the way of effective communication and practical ways to overcome each one.

Brian