As a leader and an entrepreneur, I’ve been taught that there are 3 questions people ask - consciously or unconsciously - before partnering or giving business to someone:
Do you Care for me?
Can you Help me?
Can I Trust you?
All great questions. The one I want to focus on today is, “Can I trust you?”
3 P’s of people who don’t trust….
Understanding why people don’t trust is a key to helping us build trust. In order to help with the understanding, I’m going to name our untrusting friend Bob. (No offense to the Bob’s of the world. I do have someone specific in mind and the name may or may not have been changed to keep you guessing).
There are 3 P’s.
1 . Personal - Bob thinks that everything people say and do is is a reflection on Bob Everything is personal. It’s the lens through which Bob views the world and Bob is at the center.
2. Pervasive - Everyone, everywhere is thinking the same thing ...especially about the Bob. Flash back to #1 - It’s personal.
3. Permanent - Nothing can change the perception of what people think about Bob. It will always be this way from now on.
When trust is broken, people become immobilized. Like Bob, they get stuck - either in their own agendas (because they can’t/won’t trust anyone else’s agenda) or in whatever the most popular thought is for the moment. It becomes a permanent cycle. Bob doesn’t feel valued and doesn’t value others.
Last Sunday, Brian and I worshiped from our living room. We have a COVID pattern that has been established - we listen to 2-4 of our favorite preachers and enjoy a little praise music throughout. We have it timed out perfectly - praise music, and a sermon, then, as one sermon ends, another begins. As that one ends we can jump to yet another. All on facebook. The only breaks are for the coffee cup refills and an occasional pause to ask, “Did you get that point? I missed it…”
Last week, we saw that our friend John (Maxwell) was preaching live, so we jumped over to listen in. The sermon was on trust. He talked about how social trust is the confidence that other people will do what they ought to do most of the time.
Ought too? How does a person define ought too? Fortunately, he didn’t stop teaching at that point. John explained that the Ought comes from good values. He also taught us how we can create an environment of trust. Watch out Bob!
4 Things to Create Trust
1. Value People
It doesn’t matter who or what a person is; People I don’t agree with; Even people I don’t like. It’s a mindset - How I see you, is how I will connect with you. If I see you as weak, I will Help you. If I see you as broken, I will fix you. If I see you as valuable, I will serve you.
2. Add Value to People
Learn their love language. Get to know them. Don’t just listen - HEAR what they have to say and respect them.
3. Do things that value People
Adding value to someone is not about you and what you like or want - even if it’s a really “nice” thing to do. To value another person means you do something they will appreciate and find valuable.
4. Live good values
Values make you bigger (better) on the inside than on the outside. If you are bigger on the outside, you will fall. Think of a cloth bag that’s not filled with anything. It will fall over.
If you have values on the inside, you don’t need validation on the outside.
If any 1 of these are eliminated; there will be no trust.
Trust is the key to transforming the community around you.
There is a movement based on John’s new book, Change Your World, which just came out (January 2021). The movement is called Transformation Tables. Facilitators lead the table through a series of six, 1 hour meetings with 8 people around a table (or online). These lessons help us focus on values that build community. Eventually, we can take what we’ve learned and apply our good intentions to good actions. Through collaboration and strategic planning we can work together to build a better - transformed - community.
Like a ripple in the water, one person or one action can begin to affect change. What would a little trust do for our world today?
If you’d like to join a Transformation Table, let us know at grow@leadershipharbor.com. Use the subject: I’m in! We are starting them soon - and will continue starting new tables.
Oh - you should know - there is no charge to participate. This movement is too important to place a cost on it. There is an investment though - your time and your desire to begin to transform.
