I Am My Own Worst Enemy

I’ve always been naturally reserved. And believe it or not, that puts me in good company—

around 86% of people lean more toward the reserved side than outgoing. Add in the fact that roughly 80% of people are predominantly people-oriented, and you’ll find that I fall into a much smaller category: task-oriented and reserved.

It’s a combination that has served me well in many ways—disciplined, focused, productive—but it’s also made me my own worst enemy when it comes to connecting with others. For over 50 years, I’ve functioned in this quiet, task-driven world. But if I truly want to build meaningful relationships, foster leadership, and communicate effectively, I have to grow beyond that.

Because let’s be honest: people matter more to me than my to-do list.

Awareness isn’t enough

Becoming aware of your natural tendencies is an important first step. For me, realizing how I come across—sometimes distant or cold—was eye-opening. It’s not who I really am. But what we communicate through body language, tone, and words matters far more than our good intentions.

Awareness alone, however, changes nothing. Application does.

I’ve seen others fall into this trap too. I once worked with a very outgoing, very task-driven leader. Their DISC profile labeled them a pure D—an extremely small personality group. And yet their attitude was, “Now that you know my wiring, you must adjust to me.” Ouch. That’s not leadership. That’s comfort masquerading as conviction.

When we expect others to adjust to us, we miss the point. Leadership at its core is about serving others, not protecting our comfort zone.

Hear me out…

So how do I, a reserved, task-oriented person, keep people a priority?

I turn them into a task.

Now, hear me out before you judge. I don’t mean people are checkboxes or something (someone?) I cross off a list. I mean I use my wiring to serve a better purpose. I literally put names on my to-do list—especially the people who matter most. Not as a checkbox, but as a commitment. A reminder that they’re worth my time and attention.

Because life isn’t about tasks—it’s about what we prioritize. Deadlines can wait when someone you love needs your presence.

People and Leadership

Leadership means different things to different people. Some view it as a position; I see it as an opportunity to serve and help others gain a broader perspective. Recently, my primary networking group began planning for next year’s leadership team. Members submitted both their own interests and nominations for others. I didn’t receive the most votes for president—those went to individuals who had already served in that role. Still, I was asked to step in, and I said yes. The support I’ve received has been encouraging. Leadership can feel like a middle school playground—people avoid standing out to avoid being singled out. It’s like public speaking: many fear it more than death. But stepping up stretches us. My takeaway? If I can move beyond my comfort zone here, what else am I now equipped to do?  And even more importantly, how are individuals on the leadership team, and the networking group as a whole better equipped for their next opportunities?

Real Growth Is About Others

Leaving the corporate world and stepping into entrepreneurship with Leadership Harbor has brought immense personal growth. Every year challenges me to grow—and it’s rarely comfortable. I’ve had to change more, lean into people more, and I’m truly enjoying that part! At the same time, I’m tackling tasks more productively and pushing my recovering perfectionist tendencies to new limits. Growth like this isn’t easy, but it’s deeply rewarding. I’m experiencing both personal and professional transformation in ways I never expected—and I wouldn’t trade the journey for anything.

Why? Because my focus shifted—from task to people. From achieving my goals to helping others reach theirs.

Recently, I was listening to one of my mentors, Deb Ingino, speak through the Maxwell Leadership lens. She said something that struck me deeply: Personal growth is less about our own accomplishments and more about learning to meet others’ needs. That’s the heartbeat of real leadership.

It’s also what brings me the most joy—helping others flip the switch and discover what they’re truly capable of.

There’s hope…

Yes, I’m still naturally task-oriented and reserved. And yes, that still makes me my own worst enemy at times. But there’s hope—and there’s growth.

The secret isn’t changing who we are. It’s choosing who we’re becoming. It's learning to lead beyond our wiring and toward connection.

And if I can do it—so can you.