How many of us have begun a statement - “If only”?
If only I had gotten better grades.
If only I had studied more.
If only I had better genes.
If only I were simply smarter.
If only I worked out more.
If only I made better friends.
If only I were better looking.
If only I had more money.
If only I hadn’t married that person.
If only I had married that person.
If only I had saved more money.
If only I had not skipped that opportunity.
If only I had taken more chances.
If only I had not taken that risk.
If only I worked harder.
If only I ate healthier.
If only I didn’t drink so much.
If only I didn’t spend so much money.
If only I didn’t waste so much time doing……
If only I hadn’t had kids so early.
If only I had kids earlier.
If only I trusted my spouse more.
If only my spouse were more responsible.
If only I had started investing earlier.
If only I had not invested so much in ‘that stock.’
If only I saved better.
If only I didn’t spend so much money.
If only my faith were stronger.
If only I didn’t trust others so much.
If only I were more social.If only I weren’t so social.
If only I weren’t so short.
If only I weren’t so tall.
If only I were stronger.
If only I weren’t so overweight.
If only I weren’t so skinny.
If only….
I may or may not have listed your specific “if only.” I am sure that I did not exhaust the list on “If only……” The list could go on.
There’s only one problem with the list.
The problem is that the list begins with “If only.” So what?!
“If only” is an excuse.
And worse - “If only” is my excuse. Because there’s another person that has exactly the same situation, and it is not an excuse, in fact, it’s their story that makes them who they are - it empowers them.
For me - for years I wished I were taller, stronger, and more handsome. I am not taller. I have been reasonably stronger, but when I was involved in martial arts, my strength, or at least my focus for years on being strong was a weakness in effectively taking someone else’s energy and using that to master the art. I tried to muscle the opponent because my brain, or at least my mind, told my body to use strength against my opponent’s strength. This has long since helped me to understand that “any strength carried to an extreme, becomes a weakness.” My reliance on my strength limited my mind from appropriately learning some of my martial arts techniques as effectively as I could.
For years, I also wanted to make more money; and have more things. I have learned that the more I add value, the more I am compensated.
You know what? It is what it is.
I know that is a simple statement; and maybe you wonder - what is it supposed to mean? It means that there are plenty of these “If only” thoughts that are out of my control - many of them significantly out of my control.
I am not going to be any taller, in fact, I may have even started shrinking. I can take care of myself and my health, but strength is not what I want now. It’s all about health in order to be as healthy as I can for as long as I can. And handsome, well, I need to listen and accept those people that tell me I am handsome.
There are many good looking people out there that are not comfortable with how they look, and there are limited valuable options to make any real changes. You are what and who you are - and you (& I) are as beautiful as we believe and then accept that we are!
The real challenge is whether or not we feel worthy as we are.
This is a new and challenging subject that I am digging into now. We are all worthy. I am worthy. You are worthy. We are all worthy of all that is coming our way. Accept it. And receive it.
If you want more to know and feel “more,” let’s get together and look into the possibilities!