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Personal Financial Leadership - The Confrontation Principle

The Financial Fight

We all have conflict in our lives……and yet, I am amazed by the fact that people seem to be

content and accept it, or seem to act like “it doesn’t happen to them.” Actually, conflict can be healthy, but it depends on how we handle it. The question we must ask is “Do I care enough to confront the right way?” I learned many lessons from John Maxwell’s book, Winning with People. And this is called the Confrontation Principle.


Personal finance is frequently a source of conflict for couples. One person is typically the nerd, creating the budget. The other is the free spirit, feeling constrained by a b*dget! and maybe even refusing to follow one. Can you see the conflict begin to form? The nerd knows exactly where the money is going; and the free spirit is focused on the fun - that is until there is no money left for the essentials. Verbal assaults commence. Unhealthy conflict!

There is a way to deal with this crucial conversation, and without conflict. Begin with the end in mind. Know and agree on what the goals are. When you desire the same outcome, and are willing to discuss, separating facts from stories. Facts are what actually happened. Stories are the meaning - the why - we assign to those facts. Remember, stories are personal perceptions - speak tentatively when addressing those. By the way - I’m still working to get better, too.


If we can create a safe environment that will facilitate open dialogue, we can get to the real answers and real solutions.


I’ve made plenty of mistakes; and even learned from most of them. The budget subject can be extremely difficult for couples; and a third party that is trained as a non-judgemental financial coach may be able to help clarify the facts and the stories. Let me know if the subject of money just makes you cringe, or you simply have a few questions. Or click for a complimentary Discovery Session.

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